9 ways to ensure that you DON’T get the offer

It’s summertime!  Feeling like I’ll take a lighthearted theme this month.  One of the coolest things about my job is that I get a firsthand recall of the best—and the worst—things that happen during an interview.

The following are actual occurrences – I’m fairly certain that the individuals who were subjects here do not read my blog – so I think we’re safe.  Enjoy!

  1. Showing up in person for a phone interview—in a tropical shirt and flip flops. “I thought we could just knock out the phone interview and in-person interview and save us both some time.” …..You certainly did!
  2. Listing technical skills on your resume that you don’t really have When the interviewer questioned you about it you said, “Well I wanted to be picked up by the search engines so I listed all the new technology I could think of.” …..That’s one way to “game” the system.
  3. Being rude or dismissive to the receptionist.  OK, this one isn’t funny – but you are probably the same people who treat restaurant servers badly also.
  4. Posting sexist or lewd comments on your Twitter—and thinking that no one will look at it or care. …..Your social media is an extension of your personal character.
  5. Admitting drug use. The interview was going so well the subject of start date came up.  Hiring Manager: “When can you start?”  Candidate: “That depends. Marijuana becomes legal on January 1—will you stop pre-employment drug testing right away?” …..Actually, you’re right – just because you would be handling millions of dollars on behalf of our customers every day doesn’t mean you can’t come to work high. Seriously??
  6. Lying about a conviction. The results of a background check revealed a conviction for a violent crime.  “It wasn’t me, it was my cousin—he looks a lot like me and has the same name.”…..And we were born on the same day, in the same city and we even have the same parents!
  7. Showing up drunk to the interview—and then taking a break half-way through to keep the buzz going.  When confronted about it – “I had surgery and I needed more pain medication.  It just smells like alcohol.”  …..You and the guy in #5 can hang out together at the unemployment office!
  8. Talking thru your fantasies – “I’m really sorry, but I keep having visions of what being with you would be like. I don’t think I could work here, but would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” …..An innovative alternative to Match.com.
  9. Driving your Porsche to the interview – “Can I have an office next to the window?  I need to keep an eye on my car while I’m working.” …..If your eye is on your car, whose eye is on your work?

I hope these little tidbits cause a smile.  Enjoy your summer!

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